My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
