He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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