youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
