Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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