Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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