Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
