i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
