Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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