I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
