They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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