I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize