She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
