i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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