he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
