I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
