After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
