Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
