I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize