if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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