also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
