Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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