You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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