yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
