And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
