proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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