I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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