I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize