Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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