I'm going to jail i love you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
