i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Acid is not a monday night drug
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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