One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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