I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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