clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
