I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
