The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
