I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
NoShamevember. You game?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
