I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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