then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
