make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
