My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
