i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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