i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
