so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you traded sex for a burrito?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
