Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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