saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
