His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
