Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
