I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
