3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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