Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
