Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
