I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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