I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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