haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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