i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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