whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
