Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
