I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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