I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
