I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
