i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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