Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
