Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
