Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
