Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this boner is exhausting
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
