i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
