her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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