someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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