Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
