I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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