OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
